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Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
If you fall, I’ll be there – Floor
I make seven figures but the first two are zero.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught
How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Don’t hate me because I’m handsome, hate me because your girlfriend thinks I am.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
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I am writing a book. I have got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.
We all have that one as friend who always give the best relationship advice but is still single.
If money ever grew on trees, girls wouldn’t mind dating with monkeys.
Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it most never use it.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind … I’d be SO skinny!
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